With one of the biggest games in years in Joule Park Aughrim coming up this evening at 7pm, Bill Hill had to personally check that everything was spot on for the Electric Ireland Leinster Minor Football Championship Semi Final Replay clash between Wicklow and Kildare.
Bill’s adventure began last night as he went down to carry out a pitch inspection and found the pitch in Joule Park Aughrim to be looking exactly like the women of County Wicklow, Absolutely Sh*t Hot!
There were ground staff and many great Wicklow GAA volunteers there working like beavers making sure the Grounds are looking fantastic for tonight’s game. Now Bill being the consummate professional that he is there was no way he was going to leave anything to chance so he carried out a rather thorough inspection of facilities.
The out buildings in Joule Park Aughrim had all been freshly painted the in the same dazzling white colour as our very own Wicklow Senior Footballer Mark “White Lightening” Kenny and were looking as fresh as Ciaran Hyland does for a man in his late 40’s! Sponsorship is huge for Counties such as Wicklow so Bill’s first port of call was to inspect that all the sponsorship signage was in place and my god was it looking fantabulous:
To make sure that all the huge crowds of beautiful Wicklow People and even the Horse Whisperer’s will have smooth access to Joule Park Aughrim, Bill was eager to check on all the turnstiles and made sure that they were up to scratch. Bill Hill Engineering are delighted to report that their report found the turnstiles to be in absolutely great knick and the mechanisms were that well greased they were almost as slippery as a Knockananna native trying to prevent the authorities from checking his basement in relation to all the strange disappearances around the magic road network they have up there.
With so many beautiful Wicklow tushies heading to Aughrim tonight it would only be right that we had a seat worthy of such magnificent derrieres so the wonderful staff at Joule Park Aughrim have that covered too. For once it wasn’t just Bill who had a problem with the birds flocking around him as a few of our resident feathered friends had taken it upon themselves to drop a few spectacular stink bombs on the seats of the stand and the ground staff have pulled all out the stops by black bagging all the seats in the stand, a technique still used to this day in Wexico to ensure Wexican Senoritas can successfully stomach being near the Wexican males long enough to mate and produce little banditos that we constantly have to apprehend at our border! Thanks to this Trojan work the travelling Horse Whisperer Supporters can rest assured that their precious white jerseys will remain free of freshly made Birds Custard!
The stand press box is a hugely important place for getting all the action and information out to all the rest of the county who cant make the games for whatever reason so Bill Hill personally dusted off all the cobwebs and made sure its ready for all the local Wicklow Broadcasters to bring you the action.
At this stage fatigue was starting to set in but on Bill persevered for the cause but as he was heading to inspect the dressing rooms he met with two young Wicklow supporters, Adam and Beth Myers, who he asked for a quick selfie and these two huge Wicklow fans were only too glad to oblige and let Bill have his photo taken with them!
One of the final and most important checks to be carried out was on the dressing rooms to ensure both teams would have everything they need in order for them for the big game. It was while carrying out the inspection of the Kildare dressing room that Bill decided that a bit of devilment was the order of the day and decide to place an innocuous looking stone with a picture of old Blue Beard on it in the Kildare Dressing Room. This stone however is no ordinary #IrelandRocks stone, but is in fact a highly sophisticated device capable of eavesdropping on the Kildare tactics which was handcrafted by the very talented Amish men from Barndarrig who have ironically shunned fancy things like electricity but they are highly skilled craftsman who could churn butter before the milk has ever left the cows nipple! Keep an eye around Aughrim on Friday evening because if you find one then you could win yourself some tickets to Tatyo Park.
Satisfied with a solid days work a tired and emotional Bill headed for the second leg of his adventure but had one last stop to make to ensure there would be ample tickets available to all the supporters for Fridays massive game.
With all systems confirmed in place in Joule Park Aughrim, Bill closed the gates and gave the hardworking staff a pat on the back for such tremendous work in getting the house in order and closed the gates before heading to Shillelagh to catch up with a few pen pals from down that way who have sent a lot of fan mail over the year and most importantly to stick a bit of the communion money on a Wicklow win with the good people at The Winners Enclosure Bookmakers who have been great supporters of Wicklow GAA.
This is was the point where Bill’s adventure really kicked off as he who did he bump into when leaving the Winners Enclosure in Shillelagh only Buggy Murphy from Oakridge Cabs and after all the hard work Bill had an awful oul thirst on him that needed quenching so he commandeered the services of Buggy Murphy and was chauffeured in style to Maggie’s Pub in Tinahely for a pre match pint.
When Bill arrived at Maggies, a young handsome gentleman by the name of Kevin Darcy was there to greet him and it was he who fed Bill one of the nicest pints of Arthur’s Holy Water that ever crossed Bill’s lips. What was meant to one pint turned into a full blown session and the last memory Bill has was jiving like a horned up Fermanagh Farmer with a few lovely ladies from Tinahely. Footage has emerged of Bill and Kevin trying to decide who was the more prolific scorer over the years and that debate was still raging up to the point where the memory of the night fades drastically.
Friday morning hit Bill hard and hit often just like the Wicklow defenders hitting the Horse Whisperers forwards this evening. A dark cloud of a hangover hung over Bills brain so there was only one thing for it, a morning jog around Tinahely to shake off the cobwebs. It was here that local ladies couldn’t help but resist the temptation to follow the Blue Bearded Pied Piper and a large flock of Tinahely Ladies pursued Bill all over the greater Tinahely area. For a visual image think Eoin McLove being mobbed by the Bingo Brigade on Father Ted except in this case Bill had something that poor old Eoin McLove hadn’t got to offer and something that almost compares to the best sausage in Blessington belonging to the legendary Mr Dempsey. Thankfully one lovely lady offered Bill refuge in her home to flee the lusty souls and Bill was happy to pose for a few photos but looking back on things their could have been anterior motives at play….
As much as Bill enjoyed his time in Tinahely he knew it was time to take his leave as even the four legged friends were taking an interest with a little butt sniff being the final straw as Bill pointed the Blue beard in the direction of Joule Park Aughrim where he will be happy to meet you all and get a few selfies at the big game!