Smug Prick Secures Last Of The Bread in Tesco🔞

Blessington man Fred Fraser wasn’t long about letting the rest of us know that he managed to continue his lifelong streak of being an awful pain in the hole by posting a picture of himself on Facebook just seconds after getting his hands on the last bit of bread knocking about in Tesco!

We contacted Fred to find out how he had been lucky enough to secure the last of the bread and heres his account of events and what he plans to do with his spoils:

Being the staunch Protestant that I am, I watch a lot of Orange is the New Black so I’ve seen what it’s like to be locked away for a long time and with the imminent chances of being snowed in, I rushed to Tesco’s to snap up as many Jaffa Cakes and Bottles of Tango Fizzy Orange as I could. While stocking up on some Terrys Chocolate Oranges I spotted a big commotion over at the bakery counter so being the nosey oul bollox that I am I headed over and managed to snap up the last of the bread as two oul ones choked each other out while fighting over it and in I swooped like I would if it was good fertile land. I wouldn’t be a big fan of bread and I could feed the people of Valleymount with it but they are known carriers of disease so I don’t want to be enticing them into my farm so I’m going home now to feed up my ducks with the bread and I can’t wait for a bit of Duck L’Orange for the dinner this weekend!

Fred is one of the lucky ones with unprecedented demand for Bread causing absolute chaos across the country. This demand for bread was extremely evident earlier today as there were Chaotic scenes in the shops of Newtown as hungry Dyslexics converged on the town after some joker posted on the Dyslexia Ireland Action Group’s forum that they were in Newtown earlier and the shops had loads of inbreads up there😂😂

The Beast from the East is expected to hit landfall tomorrow night so brace yourselves Ladies😉😂