We here at Bill Hill HQ are glad to offer the most amazing prize we have ever been given to one lucky follower. We have the Ultimate Aughrim VIP Experience to give away. The lucky prize-winners day will begin at the gates of Joule Park Aughrim where they will be greeted by the warm welcome of the over exuberant parking steward who will beckon them furiously to a VIP parking spot on the most select piece of loose gravel available to mankind. The fun doesn’t stop there though as the lucky winner will then follow the path of many past winners of the Aughrim VIP Experience to the Ticketing Chalet where they will be issued with a crisp hand crafted ticket printed with the same ink used for Don Jackman’s ticket and its here that they will follow a long and distinguished tradition of dropping three *fivers for good luck into a magic purse of mystery (*Fivers Not Included). After making their offering to the GAA gods and thanking them for bestowing such a glorious gift as home advantage upon us, the prize winner will then proceed to the Priority Boarding Turnstile or the big gate as its affectionately known where the correct sequence of winks, grunts and head nods to the chief steward will see the lucky prize winner gain swifter access to the grounds.
This is where the real magic will happen as the match programme distributor will be on hand to provide the winner with their very own match programme from the very same bundle that Harry Murphy himself will get his but that’s not just the only major perk to this part of the VIP Experience as the lucky winner will get to be the star of the customary ceremonial handover of €3 to appease the GAA Gods. To make it an authentic experience we encourage the use of the winners own €3 to make the moment a more personal experience.
At this stage all the excitement will no doubt have worked up the appetite of our lucky winner and this is where the lucky VIP Experience winner will get to really appreciate Joule Park Aughrim’s historic contributions to match day cuisine. The winner will be escorted to the VIP Lounge at the rear of the Grandstand where the crispy crunch of the fearsome Lion Bar, the Fingerlicious Kit-Kat, the Magnificent Mars Bar, the Delectable Drifter or for those who like to be more adventurous the tropical wonder of a Bounty Bar all await the palate of our lucky winner. The large array of such edible delights will no doubt be almost overwhelming for the prize winner as even the most composed individuals have waivered in the face of such wonders but composed they must be as the real jewel in the Aughrim Crown is also to be found here, the horn inducing Green Bottle of Desire or Bubble-Up as we know it best. Believed to be brewed from the sweat beads of Bill Hill’s forefathers and only exclusively available in Joule Park Aughrim, this 8th wonder of the modern world has been listed by the Harvard Science Faculty as the closest thing to a Liquid Orgasm known to modern science. There are other thirst quenching options available to wash down your choice of the many chocolate delights we have listed but this is the VIP Experience so no expense will be spared and a bottle of Bubble Up will be made available to the privileged prize winner who will be lucky enough to see a few of their euro turn into a liquid orgasm right before their very eyes.
Now the key thing for any VIP Experience worth its salt will be the seating for the big event but this prize goes above and beyond all others as we offer not one but two different VIP seating options to the lucky winner. So lets take a look at what wonderful options await the lucky sod:
Option 1: The Garden Terrace
Here the luckiest Wicklow supporter in all of Aughrim can rest their little tushy on the finest piece of rustic sun dried MDF which has been delightfully mounted on top of a slab of concrete made from the tears of Wexican Virgins mixed with crushed stone from the Dolmens of those little backward folk to the west. Here the prize winner will dine alfresco on their chocolate bar of choice from one of the wide range of Nestle delights on offer in Aughrim. It is here where they can truly soak up and immerse themselves in the true Aughrim match day atmosphere and take in all the f*cks and warm hearted abuse thrown at match officials and the opposition team in the blissful sun kissed surroundings of the VIP terrace area while sipping on a lightly chilled bottle of Bubble Up with the dulcet tones of a disgruntled Donard Sheep farmer telling the referee how he’d like to rearrange his facial features.
Option 2: The Grandstand
Fresh, sleek, modern and aesthetically beautiful is how they describe Brendan Lawrence and the stand is not half bad either. It is from the lofty perch of the VIP Penthouse area of the Grandstand (The Top Row)that our lucky winner can take in the game while having the perfect line of sight to Brendan who will be feverishly at work commentating on proceedings. Here you will be rubbing shoulders with the who’s who of Greystones as well as the many socialites of the Wicklow GAA scene with the possibility of a chance encounter with Frances O Connor, Vivienne O Neill or even the notorious Jason “Jap” O Toole and his right hand man Mr Eugene Dooley. The non reclining luxury of the bucket seats are all included in the prize but the real cherry on top for the lucky winner is that they can really get a sense of how the people of Greystones live better lives than the rest of us and almost be on their level for a few hours at least.
With the match completed the final part of the prize awaits our lucky winner. With seconds of the match to go the winner will be escorted at high speed to their waiting car. From here they will be given the priority nod and wink from the Chief Car Park Steward who will halt match day traffic to ensure it only takes a minimum of 25 minutes for the prize winner to exit the grounds and head to their Aughrim pub of Choice where they can choose from any two drinks of their choice from the VIP Experience Menu which will have the exclusive “Buy Two, Get The Second One Free” available to the lucky prize winner.
*As this is a once in a lifetime prize we will be employing the services of the Terrence the Independent Adjudicator who you might remember from the National Lottery Draw with Ronan Collins and before any draw is made Bill would just like to start by saying that it’s not entirely unusual for the organizers to win the raffle. In fact, there was one not so long ago where the organizers won. So lets not be surprised if the same happens here.