Local farmer and renowned Snail enthusiast Tom Hennessy from Blessington has defied recent criticism from fellow road users of the N81 and says that he plans to continue to remain in third gear. Recent claims by locals that he was “so slow Blessington will have won a County Final by the time he gets to wherever it is he’s actually going” have not ruffled Toms feathers whatsoever as he told our reporter

They can beep all they want, I’m in no rush at all. 40kmph is a grand speed to travel at and sher how else would I be able to have a look at the sheep and cattle over the hedge if I was going any faster.

When told by our reporter that the speed limit was 100kmph on many parts of the N81 a stony faced Tom had this to say

There’s no hurry on me, the only time I’d be interested in getting up to that sort of speed would be to pull out of my laneway onto the road but I’d quickly drop back down to the 40kmph in case I missed any of my ewes on their backs in the fields as I drove by. There does be fierce beeping at me when I pull out in front of the cars but I’m deaf in one ear and half deaf in the other so that wouldn’t bother me.

When our reporter informed Tom that the council have plans to put a minimum 60kmph speed limit in place on the N81 to keep traffic moving at peak times he was not best pleased

I’ve travelled that road since the 60’s and there was barely a car to be seen in them days and we still got to where we are going so I will keep driving at 40kmph and I will still refuse to pull in to let cars pass and the council and everyone else can go to hell, I couldn’t give two sh*tes if they’re late for work or not!

Recently a nationwide survey of road users found that people by the names of Tom and Mary are the most likely people to drive slower than a sloth with no legs and it’s the Toms and Mary’s of this world who are the root cause of most road traffic accidents in the country.

There is a silver lining however as this has led to a 25% upturn in car horn sales due to the car horn wear that they induce from fellow road users. The Car and Counselling industries have both seen a dramatic upturn in revenue generated from the Tom and Mary’s of the world. Accidents caused by them has led to huge demand for car parts and crash repair businesses are booming across the land while there is now an acute shortage of Psychiatrists to counsel those unfortunate enough to find themselves stuck in the tailbacks behind a Tom or a Mary each morning.