Carnew Selected As The Host City For The 69th Annual Redneck Games

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The Redneck Games are back!!! This June Carnew will be the host city for the 69th Redneck Games where rugged men and women from Carnew, Shillelagh, Coolboy, Coolafancy along with Wexican teams from Askamore, Kilrush, Craanford and Monaseed will compete in a host of unique events that you will only find in the Deep South.

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The Redneck Games have long been a major part of Redneck tradition down in the Deep South and it all began back in 1949 when the first event was born, The Grab Your Sister Hurdles. After a heavy night on the Hooch in a Carnew pub, a randy redneck decided he’d had enough of competing with his ten brothers for his sisters love so he decided there and then to elope and marry his sister. Full to the gills with moonshine, he grabbed his sister and made a dash for the pub door, hurdling each of his ten jealous but drunken brothers on the way out and ran all the way to Enniscorthy knowing no right minded person would dare follow him to such a miserable place. Local rednecks so amazed by his success have continuously being grabbing their sisters but nobody has been silly enough to run to Enniscorthy so they have shortened the event to 110m with the winner permitted to marry his sister so competition is fierce.

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A whole host of other events formed over time to give us the modern Redneck Games we know today. Events now include:

The Monaseedy Mudpit Belly Flop

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The Redneck Rose of Carnew officially starts the Redneck Games
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Tournament Organiser Jim Bob is now hot property with the local women after securing the games for Carnew
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Carnew’s Defending Mud Belly Flop World Champion, “The Osbornator” is confident he can retain his title at his home games and buy a packet of Ginger Nut Biscuits with his winnings.
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The face you make when you’ve shit in the pool but they’ll never know

 Hubcap Hurling:

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The real Hurling hasn’t been going great in Carnew the last few years so they’ve came up with a different type of hurling to fill the void…

Toilet Seat Toss:

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Seamus from Shillelagh had seen some shit in his time so he decided Toilet Seat Tossing was the way forward
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The Carnew Rings Team Power Couple, Weird Willie and Mary Jane have defected to Toilet Seat Tossing and are now the number one ranked mixed doubles team in World Toilet Seat Tossing
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Askamore Wexican Juan Carlos O’Connor is something of a Toilet Seat Tossing Legend after tasting victory almost as many times as he’s tasted this Toilet Seat

Redneck Archery:

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What can we really say!! They’re just a lot different down in the Deep South

Beer Thong:

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Simply the greatest sporting event of all time!!

Get Your Hole in The Toilet Roll:

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Easily the most highly anticipated event of all with many career ending injuries

You might think that the subsequent disease and health risks associated with allowing the Wexican teams over the border might put off the Redneck Games Organisers but no expense will be spared with top class facilities in place to cope with the influx of the great unwashed. Every smelly Wexican will be fully power hosed by the local Fire Brigade before a temporary Visa is issued.

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The Wexican’s unsure what to make of actually having a wash for a change

State of the Art on-site facilities will also make sure that the Deep South is kept neat and tidy during such a huge event with many local fans expected to attend the Games.

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Locals Love The Redneck Games

So if you have nothing better to do this summer why not head down to the Deep South and check out one of the Worlds Most Unique Sporting Events happening right on your doorstep. Bill Hill will be judging the Miss Redneck Games Carnew competition so all bribes are openly accepted Ladies, Shillelagh nudes do not count as bribes. If you think you or someone you know has what it takes to win one of these events its not too late as there is still another round of qualification events being run in Carnew this weekend so sign up below with the event you wish to enter yourself or a friend.

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